Recipe For a Happy Life

1 cup of freedom
1 1/2 cups of helping others
4 tsp of fun
1 whole happy home, not separated
1/4 cup cleanliness inside and out
2 1/2 cups of success
2 Tbsp of belonging
A whole pitcher of love
1/3 cup honesty
3/4 cup of understanding
Enough work to help you reach your goal

Mix all ingredients together until well-blended into a small body and mind, store extra amounts in school, churches, homes and neighborhoods, cities and nations. If used in daily amounts through a whole lifetime, a happy life is guaranteed.

:) ♥

Been away for a while but now I'm back

Been gone for a little while...partly due to moving back to my parent's house and oddly not being able to pick up wireless inside of the house, but I could sitting on the bench right outside the front door. But I have fixed that by getting a new Netgear router - we had a version 6 and the new one is version 9, quite the upgrade. :)

I'm excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I am pretty certain we have enough cranberry sauce...4 cans should be good right? And there's going to be sweet potato casserole. Two of the best dishes around for the big day. Hopefully with all that and the turkey early in afternoon I'll be able to sleep early because I'll be one of the "lucky" individuals up early for Black Friday shopping. I should really photo-document the "joyous" occasion. I don't really plan on spending money but who knows maybe I'll find some good deals on something.

I feel like I have so much to post since I haven't posted in a while though I don't know where to begin. I'll have to think of something quickly otherwise I'll to finish cleaning the bathroom and my bedroom. Aunt Inc and clan will be here around 1pm and I think dinner begins at 3pm, although I have to pick up my Grandpa before noon.

Oh...last week's big news. I got my wisdom tooth out on Monday. It wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it was going to be, probably only because I had one tooth extracted. I think most people get them taken out all at the same time. So I didn't need the Vicodin my dentist prescribed. But I did keep my tooth! I'd be crazy to let go of that good sized piece of ivory. My dad joked about making it into a piece of jewelry since I've been wearing bone jewelry recently.

Well, speaking of my dad. He's starting to get on my case at the moment about not putting off cleaning the bathroom at midnight...so I guess I'll get started on finishing that and then to my room.

Worried about my Pom

I've been worried about my Pomegranate lately. I have been since he left for the Notre Dame game in mid-October. I had been texting him a few times but he wouldn't reply. I thought it might have had to do with what we had talked about before he left, but now I think not. He had returned "pokes" on Facebook so I assumed things were fine between us. I then thought it might have been because he's been talking with his ex-girlfriend again...as I had explicitly mentioned in one of my last posts; he did confirm this in a text reply over the weekend:

its ok. its just i have been talking to m----a again. i don't need to hear it you understand hun? - 11.5.09 9:05:46 PM

Like any good friend would, I told him straight up that I wasn't going to say anything bad about him talking to her. I want for him to be happy. If they get back together then that's what happens, and I will support him. Their previous relationship I don't think was the healthiest, and I'm only judging by what I was exposed to. Anyways, from his text the day after, I had thought he wanted advice about what to do about her:

i'm going to call you tonight. need advice - 11.6.09 9:04:29 AM

He didn't call...as usual, so I texted him asking if he still needed the advice. He said he would call later but went on to say this later that night:

i'm going to confide in you. i have been struggling w/ bipolar disorder recently. i have been shutting everyone out. - 11.6.09 11:54:17 PM

I tried to get him to open up a little about it, be he said that he didn't want to discuss it at the moment and that he would talk to me further about it at a later date. I was understanding with his wishes, told him to take care for the night and tomorrow and that we would talk when he was ready. And most importantly, I told him that I loved him.

luv u too. - 11.7.09 12:11:17 AM

We didn't talk for all of Saturday and most of Sunday. I was going to wait until he contacted me, but I broke down and texted him in the afternoon while "volunteering" at the Dreher Park Zoo in WPB with my aunt and one of her friends. Just a "hey, how are you doing" type of chat. He told me that he's been having pretty bad episodes (which I didn't know until now, he has mixed episodes with psychotic features). I don't like not being up where he is. I feel so helpless being a little over 300 miles away. I have to admit that my heart broke when he asked me if I thought he'd ever get better.

do you think i'll get better? - 11.8.09 1:57:12 PM

I do think he'll get better. I want him to get better and I want him to think that he will too. I asked if he thought he would get better. He didn't reply to that. I asked him a few more questions and just chatted. He eventually assured me that he would be okay and that it would get better. I really hope he believes that as much as I want too.

I went online afterwards yesterday, just looking around to see if maybe if there was anything I could do...which I'll ask him when(/if) we talk tonight. I found this one site which made me a little better after seeing that I had taken a right direction in our chat.
Helping a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder: Children, Teens, and Family

I wish there was something more I could do for him...

I'll travel the depths of the oceans to be at your side

Pomegranate should be back from his weekend excursion. He and his best friend Rich got free tickets to the Notre Dame vs USC game over the weekend. Unfortunately, the mighty Fighting Irish didn't fair too well on Saturday. Well to make matters more distressing, my Chicago Bears played the Falcons last night and almost tied the game! But alas, it was not meant to be either. I did have a slight predicament, not knowing who to cheer for (I own both a Falcons and Bears jersey). Of course I would cheer the team that lost. It's alright Bears we'll get 'em next time! Though I think the Hurricanes won this weekend...that is if they played.

Halloween is almost upon us and it finally feels like fall in South FL. That's right, Miami is experiencing a most lovely little cold snap. I'm trying to soak it all in while I can because I know it'll be gone by tomorrow and I'll be able to cook eggs on my car hood at 8AM. I really wish FL would stay cool all year round and that I had been able to experience fall while in St. Auggie last weekend. Ah well, beggers can't always be choosers.

But besides the weather, there are two other reasons I'm excited for the Halloween season! Obviously, Halloween in itself (because my birthday is the day after and) because it's one of the few times of the year we get to dress up. I enjoy it because I use it as a "test-run" for next season's FLaRF outfit. That way I can work out whatever kinks I have with it and know what else is needed or not to "complete the look." My costume preparation is almost an all-year affair. As soon as the season ends in March, I'm already working on my costume for next season. It isn't usually much other than slight modifications and evolutions to the previous costume.

In 2007 and 2008 I was a Celtic Fox Demon (well you can't really see my tail; but I am wearing a little "kilt" complete with my own handmade sporran) 2009 I still stuck with the Celtic Fox attire but I lost the "kilt", the white top under my vest and sporran. I originally wanted a more "noble" look but ended up looking more like a thief, so that's what I became and created a new Hyghtcloud persona, Laurel Hyghtcloud (the Hyghtcloud persona comes from the fox demon stories I've been writing since high school - hence why my faire garbs are fox demons). Here is a decent side shot of my tail and my tassel. That was such a find. And one more shot for a tail reference in all its gloriousness since I may not be adorned with it this season.
And for the 2010 season (which I won't have pic of my semi-complete costume until Halloween), I'm dropping the Celt roots and taking up piracy (which I've stated numerous times in the posts preceeding) My character is Toua Sondokan, from my story as inspiration. S/He has Indian influences with the facial markings. I'll have the bindi and the subsequent "dots" along my brows - though they won't be jeweled. They'll probably be done with makeup pencils, the middle being a crimson red and the others maybe a orange/yellow or even black.While I was in St. Augustine over last weekend, I snagged myself a metal mug from the Spanish Quarter Museum gift shop across from Market to Market. I was online last night looking for frogs or sword holders for the belt for both the sword/dagger I want to get and for my mug. Idealy I would like a kukri (or khukri/khukuri). I have been trying to find a frog style that would allow me to attach the dagger perpendicular to my back. I know I seen it on the anime characters Sakura and Kakashi from Naruto, and Soi Fong from Bleach. And of course now that I'm looking for an example of it I can't find one.

Hopefully Heather will be joining me for a weekend of pillaging, she's a Pirate Princess and my partner in Faire crime. Neither of seem to be able to wait for the faire and we're contemplating on making our own in its absence and we're going to kidnap the cutie, Cameron, from the act Barely Balanced.

"Chicago journalist Neil Steinberg said (of the Bristol Renaissance Faire), 'If theme parks, with their pasteboard mainstreets, reek of bland, safe homogenized, white bread America, the Renaissance Faire is at the other end of the social spectrum, a whiff of the occult, a flash of danger and a hint of the erotic. Here they let you throw axes. Here there are more beer and bosoms than you'll find in all of Disney World." [originally from "Out of time, Nearly: Feast of Fools" in the Chicago Sun Times p23 on August 15, 2007]

HUZZAH! I say, HUZZAH!

Where would I be without you?

I'm missing St. Augustine already. It was a shame though the weather was cool. It was warm, almost felt like I never left Miami. But I had a good time and the house the Nicks moved into is adorable. I just wish I had remembered my camera so I could have gotten some pictures. I'll have to do that next time when I'm up, around Christmas time. My time up there seemed short but I got to see everyone! I even met Melissa and Derek's new baby, Savannah. She was a sweet little peanut. My Nicholas worked the entire time I was there but I got to see him in the evenings, and hung out with Nick Jr and his friend Bitty. We went out to the Greek Festival on Saturday and then had a wonderful BBQ on Sunday. They surprised me with a birthday cake!

I got to see Pomegranate too and it was almost like I never left. Case in point, he, I and Heather went out to JP Henley's on Saturday. He said he wasn't going to drink excessively but it was the end of their "Oktoberfest" and they have these large mugs that you pay $20 for and then another $1 for the beer put in it. Even though its one glass it holds the equivalent of at least 3 or 4 pints of beer, probably more. He had about 3 of those mugs, most likely 4 since he disappeared to the bar for a bit. He met up with his old history professor, Riggs. After the bar closed he went with Riggs to have some wine at his house and I specifically remember Riggs saying that he had Pomegranate covered or something like that. So Heather and I went our separate ways, I thought I would be able to relax on the couch watching the Jackass movie with Nick Jr.

Boy was I wrong on that account.

2:06:53 AM 10.11.09:
Can I get a ride.

That was the first text I got before he proceeded to blow up my phone with texts and phone calls. I promptly told him no because we're on opposite ends of the town (I'm in St. Augustine South and he's on the north end of town on Woodlawn). It just didn't make any sense for me to drive out there. Not to mention where he was; Florida Avenue off of Masters Drive - which is literally down the street and around the corner from where he lived. I maybe would have done it if I was still living at the apartment or staying at the Nicks' old condo which was on Masters. But it would have taken me at least 25 minutes to drive out there and not to mention find the place in the early hours of the morning and I was a little buzzed from the two drinks I had that night. Well he ended up getting mad at me and stopped texting/calling. Well around 3AM I was getting a little nervous and worried and tried calling him to see if he got home okay. He didn't pick up and my sleep was a restless one. But later in the morning he did let me know he got in okay, however he didn't go into work like he was supposed to. He "called out sick with allergies." He's such a crackpot, but I love him to pieces. I worry about him sometimes though like when he texted me later that night at the BBQ.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about life. I'm starting to
realize I'm not going to get any younger. I see little kids and I can't believe
how long ago that was. I see babies and I think to myself that I want to settle
down and be a father someday.

It came out of nowhere and I spent at least an hour, with Heather's help, on trying to figure out how to reply with him. So I said that I felt he would make an awesome father. It was a little awkward at the time. But I mean he's still young, 25 years old and that leaves him plenty of time to find someone, settle down and have kids. I want the best for him and I hope he finds it someday.

I hope I don't let me down

Decided to take a big jump today. I went ahead and entered a contest online, but not the writing ones. The deadlines are too close and with everything else I'm working on I don't have the time I would like to devote to writing. So I entered two photographs to the 7th Annual Smithsonian Magazine Photography contest:

&

I know its going to be a long shot in the ways of winning anything but I have until December to enter more photos - 7 per categories (there are 5, so about 35 photos in total). Great thing is there is no entry fee; I was going to enter into the National Geographic Photo contest but the fee is $12 for each photo entered. That would start to get a little pricey even though there are less contestants and categories. I'm going to try and get some pictures within the next few months here in Miami and possibly some more while in St. Augustine in the next few weeks to enter to the Smithsonian and other contests.

Mood: Working
Thoughts: I can't wait to see you...<3>

Rath Dé ort!

"The grace of God be with you"

While cleaning my room and unpacking the rest of my college boxes, I came across a spiral notebook that has some of my grandmother's writing in it. I know I have another somewhere but I found this one. She passed away from breast cancer when I was still a baby so I don't remember her at all. But I'd like to think, even though I'm adopted, I've inherited pieces of creativity from her.

Home is a word that I have come to appreciate more fully. I love the warmth and understanding that only a family can give.
Leaving and trying to be on my own is one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. You might call it dependence which I suppose to a great extent it is but it falls short in expressing what I feel. It is more, a closeness, wanting to be there and share things with them. Sometimes I wonder, when I see other people my age they seem so carefree and independent. But I enjoy being with my parents. I am so difficult in my attitudes and character. Part of me would like to go wild but I always keep myself in check, A lack of expression is part of my problem.
Growing up isn't easy. I would love to run back home and be at peace once again. But I suppose that I shall be richer for this experienced and a better person for it. A price must be paid and as hard as it is. I must go on. For if I can't find the strength within me to go on then I know that I have failed them as well as myself.
So God help me to go on and bear whatever may fall on me, give me strength, patience and gratitude because with these and your understanding I know I will succeed.