Rath Dé ort!

"The grace of God be with you"

While cleaning my room and unpacking the rest of my college boxes, I came across a spiral notebook that has some of my grandmother's writing in it. I know I have another somewhere but I found this one. She passed away from breast cancer when I was still a baby so I don't remember her at all. But I'd like to think, even though I'm adopted, I've inherited pieces of creativity from her.

Home is a word that I have come to appreciate more fully. I love the warmth and understanding that only a family can give.
Leaving and trying to be on my own is one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. You might call it dependence which I suppose to a great extent it is but it falls short in expressing what I feel. It is more, a closeness, wanting to be there and share things with them. Sometimes I wonder, when I see other people my age they seem so carefree and independent. But I enjoy being with my parents. I am so difficult in my attitudes and character. Part of me would like to go wild but I always keep myself in check, A lack of expression is part of my problem.
Growing up isn't easy. I would love to run back home and be at peace once again. But I suppose that I shall be richer for this experienced and a better person for it. A price must be paid and as hard as it is. I must go on. For if I can't find the strength within me to go on then I know that I have failed them as well as myself.
So God help me to go on and bear whatever may fall on me, give me strength, patience and gratitude because with these and your understanding I know I will succeed.

Ave: An Angel on Fire

I think I'm going to go ahead with the Ave short story. The entire story's title is Ave: An Angel on Fire. It's loosely based on my accounts of college life. The beginning of the story starts in freshman year in religion class. She is recluse in the beginning but starts to come out as the story and the years progress. The second part of the story is headed "The Intern" and it's a little self-explanatory in that it follows her/me through an internship.

The names associated with the actual accounts have been changed but bear some resemblance to the real life persons. Ave is supposed to resemble me. Originally, the name was supposed to Ava (the abbreviation for the band Angels and Airwaves - who I was listening to constantly. I had just gotten their first CD), but I changed it to Ave, which is more commonly found used in combination with the Catholic religious prayer Ave Maria or Hail Mary. My name is a variant of Mary, which means "blessed", although, my variant means "bitter".

The part I'm writing now has to do with Pomegranate's car accident. I've titled it "The Final Year and Almost Broken" but I might change it and clump it with the following heading "Lifeline". It wasn't going to be a part of the story, but in an attempt to deal with what was happening I wrote it down, what I was feeling and what was going on around me. Not only did I write it under this story heading but I found myself incorporating it into another car story I had. Only difference was, I had written a major car accident into a story the day or two before his actual accident had happened. The Ave version came afterwards and more recently.

I'm writing it now and it's coming more naturally to write. It's been a little difficult since I'm so close to the story behind it. I know the first thing I want to do when I get up to St. Augustine is give him a huge hug. I really don't like not hearing from him for extended periods of time. It gets my levels of worry too elevated.

He's my loser best friend and I love him, and I hope he realizes that.

Mood: Working
Thoughts: I can't wait to see you...<3
Watching: Law and Order: SVU
Reading: Ave: An Angel on Fire
Drinking: Orange Juice

Possible source of "income"

So my internship is still in the unpaid stage and my mom is almost to the point of threatening me to get a job. I'm not happy with either point. So I've been online searching for writing contests that I can enter that have cash prizes. She is always, more so lately, telling me to enter some of my pieces in because they are so good. I think mother's are supposed to say things like this. I consider my writing mediocre at best. I know the one thing I always get complimented on is my characters' names. They are always the most unique, and most I just alter from everyday words. Mm like Pacisune, one of my fox demon characters for example. I just added an "i" and "e" to the store name "PacSun" (Pacific Sunwear). It's such an easy process.

I've been looking at some short story and poetry contests since none of my larger novel projects are anywhere near being done. I started a collection of short stories and poetry last year titled "Feathers under the Torii" in which all the pieces focus around Japanese culture and the Shinto beliefs. No Haikus though, I've never been good at that type of poetry format. The short story I'm working on right now is about an older brother taking his two younger sisters to a Shinto shrine along a mountain side and then to visit their mother's grave/headstone at the cemetery. In Shinto practices, there aren't too many cemeteries, most are Buddhist but I was able to find an image of a Shinto cemetery with funeral stands, which I assume is the equivalent to headstones or grave markers. I'm going to be using the Tsubaki Okami Yashiro or "Tsubaki Grand Shrine" located at the foot of Mount Takayama and Mount Hikiyama upstream on the Suzuka River in the Mie Prefecture, Japan which is pictured in the photo below. I'm also working on my Ave (my alter ego) story - either the scene where she learns her best friend got into a car accident after drinking and driving (direct mirror with what happened with Pom) or a scene from her first few days during her new internship.

Hopefully I'll see the fruits of my labors. I'll post the finished version of the short story(s) as well. I need to come up with a title for it too.

A good dose of laughter to get me through the day

Guy Loses Pants During Wedding - Watch more Funny Videos

I've been busy busy busy! I'm buckling down on my current intern assignment and working on my CV (or Curriculum Vitae) -- which I'll be posting in my psych blog a little later when I can find the time.

In a separate and more creative note I've been busily working on my fox stories and developing a brand new character! In the story setting the character, Toua Sondokan, is a male but I've turned him into a female personification for FLARF. His character is also a wolf demon but I think for my faire purposes she'll be strictly human, although, I might wear my fox tail. Toua is pirate ship captain and wardrobe has some Eastern Asian/Indian influences. It's still in initial development so all I have now is facial markings.

Not too much else has been going on in my life. I'm excited to be taking a road trip soon to St. Augustine!! Nick and Jr. are moving into a house this week I think. He's especially excited because their "children" will have their own yard to play in. Also, I get to my "nieces and nephews" Linus, Zoe, and ChipChip. Expect photos!!

Mood: CrEaTiVe
Thoughts: ROADTRIP
Watching: Home Improvement
Reading: Psychiatric Disorders in Youth in Juvenile Detention (2002)
Eating: Oatmeal Raisin cookie
Should be: Working...

Mustang Sally

So I know I said I wouldn't update for another few days but I had to really put this down in writing before I forget. Though I'm sure in time I'll forget it's up here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Mi1xxT3Fqc
I found this Tokio Hotel video randomly on YouTube the other night and was like this is it! I'm not entirely sure what the video or the song is even about, but the driving/car sequences are how I envision the end of my Mustang Sally story to play out. I have four main characters who all drive late model cars: Cat (red/black 70 Ford Mach 1), Jack (I'm not sure which I'll have him drive since he has so many but probably his green 71 Plymouth Duster), Brie (don't know her car just yet but I think it'll be pink! She is more "girly" than Cat), and Joel (Chevy Impala). I've been wanting to do a sort of graphic novel idea with this story. The music video was a surprising find! The setting of the story is pretty similar to the background as a lot of the racing/driving sequences are out in a desert. I also might add a fifth to the drive...but I'm not sure just yet.
It's the only song I've heard by them...so while procrastinating my lit search work on my new assignment, I think I might listen to their other songs and work on that graphic novel sequence. So I guess I'll be pushing my fox stories to side as well, just slightly.

Mood: CrEaTiVe
Thoughts: I miss my Pom!
Watching: UMiami Hurricanes vs Fla State game - so far @ 1/2 time 14-10
Listening to: "Automatic" by Tokio Hotel
Eating: Oatmeal Raisin cookie
Should be: Feeling better

I don't want this any more

I'm so tired of sneezing. It's been non-stop today. The days before that, coughing. Yep I'm sick...starting to get a little better but still sick, though not as sick as my cousin John has been. There's a possibility he had(s) the dreaded swine flu or H1N1. That's the reason I haven't been on here and probably won't for the next few days.
I'm also still recuperating from finishing that Sweden presentation. Thank God for Labor Day Weekend, it gives me time to recuperate and work on my story.
Expect another post in a few days.

Mood: Sick and tired
Thoughts: Meh
Watching: Law & Order: SVU marathon on USA
Eating: Oreo cookie
Should be: Sleeping

Thinking

Sometimes I wonder what the point to all of it really is. I mean I have this blog, separate layout and content from my LiveJournal, but no one reads...at least I think no one reads. Any who, no comments, not that I'm disappointed. My blog isn't anything compared to Julie Powell's "The Julie-Julia Project". Mine is in no way compelling as my subtitle proposes. If anything mine is primarily thought vomit...much like word vomit only not in actual speech.
I was in a rather down mood the other day but that's not what brought this on. It's just one of those middle of the night contemplations. Well that's all for now. I'm not as down anymore, personal things that I'd rather keep out of this blog (maybe I'll save them for one in the future). Otherwise, sweet dreams

Mood: Meh Sleep
Thoughts: Presentation crunch time
Watching: Criminal Minds season 3
Eating: Oatmeal Raisin cookie
Should be: Sleeping and working on presentation

Hug my trembling form...

And the wolves howled, the headwinds strong and violent, throwing up their tongues in fury / From the heavens, the deities snarled, gnashing their teeth, fierce warnings of the coming onslaught
from Heavens bore foxes from the clouds (working title)

Needless to say its a storm outside. Its not raining cats and dogs but rather hurling them around. It'll probably get worse as the evening carries on, though it seems to have quelled for now.
There is a certain something about an electrical storm that can recharge the creative juices in the brain. They're flowing straight down to my fingertips. I almost wish that some of the juice would be diverted to the presentation I'm working on.
Woot! Just got off the phone with Mike confirming a babysitting gig tomorrow night. $10 an hour, I can't beat that especially when I don't have any money coming in.

Mood: Not really working anymore
Thoughts: I hope I can get this presentation done before Monday (Sept 7), and that its good
Watching: Criminal Minds season 3
Drinking: Oceanspray Cranberry juice
Wish I Was: finished with the presentation and working on my story instead